Quit Being A Chill Girl
For as long as I can remember I have felt like a pretty chill girl.
Easy going, light hearted, laid back and down to earth. I don't ruffle feathers, I rarely get upset, and I take each day as it comes. I have always felt comfortable with the label and found it didn't take much work to maintain an easy going balance in life. Although what I have come to understand is that easy going can also translate into not caring and that's not how I want to be. I do care, I have always cared, I just didn't always let everyone know that I did. I learned at a very young age to pick my battles but somewhere along the way I quit picking them completely and just let them all go. Being a chill girl pretty much equates to the path of least resistance. Under most normal circumstances I enjoy being easy going. When I see people get all worked up about things I often feel grateful that I don't get worked up, that I don't mind so much that so and so said whatever he/she said. BUT there are other times where I do care and I don't want to just go with the flow but I realize that in going against the grain, swimming up stream in a flow of people that are trekking the same direction I am bound to be met by some negativity, resistance and discomfort. That discomfort I have only just started to find comfort in.
For as long as I can remember I have been a chill girl.
But in being chill I have grown accustom to doing whatever everyone else wanted to, telling the boy I like, "oh no I wasn't waiting for your call I was busy...." to appear chill. Holding my tongue when I wanted to speak out because it was the easiest thing to do. For people that tend to steer clear of confrontation I'd say they also steer right into the chill labeled dept. frankly because when you don't want a fight you tend to take the "high road" as we call it and go over the situation completely. The hardest part for me is deciding when a certain situation calls for more energy instead of sliding past it like the easy going expert you are. This is where I struggle, I can remember about 3 instances right now where I wish I had spoken up instead of let it fall to the wayside. Simply because in the moment it seemed really awkward and hard to actually speak up for myself because I didn't want to drag the moment out any farther. See, I think the path of least resistance sometimes leads to the longer path because unless you truly can just drop it and know for sure it'll never cross your mind again, it will come back to you in some way or another. The awkward moment you fear will be over so much faster than the realization that you didn't stand up for yourself will stay with you. Had I said something I may have realized a voice inside me that I had been quieting for years. I think there is a fine line between being a chill, down to earth girl and being true to yourself. You deserve to let your voice out, you deserve to feel how you feel regardless of what others may think about you. Don't be afraid of momentary awkwardness to standup and put your foot down. If you stumble over your words or regret something later let it go. It is all apart of the experience you're adding to and the process of learning. I have grown from the times I let it all go easily out of ease. I have grown from my responses to people and the way each has made me feel. All we can do is try and do better for ourselves tomorrow. It is absolutely ok to be chill, easy going and laid back, I love to not take life too seriously. BUT if you ever find yourself in a situation where your gut just feels off and you are too apprehensive, nervous, or fearful to speak up here are some go to responses that I have found and placed in my back pocket for "hold up, wait a minute moments". If you're like me the right words don't always come until hours after the moment has passed and your still analyzing it so these responses allow for a pause and a moment to think.
1.) Someone says something that offends you......uhhhhh what do I do, not care, brush it off, "m confused, help me the moment is passing......
Just say, "Can you help me understand what you meant by that?"
Sounds almost to professional like you are instantly in a high school mediation room but really it works. It puts the person in a position to either explain what they said, see their words from a different perspective or even feel kind of dumb for saying it in the first place.
2.) A boy/girl blows you off and they try to hang out with after some time and the hurt-ness over them blowing you off has kind of gone away......
Tell them how you really feel about it, don't be afraid they'll think your clingy or sensitive, who cares....I think you're being true to yourself, authentic, real and putting your heart out there. Showing them who you really are and that you are a friend/date that deserves respect. The fact that you know that, and put out there the respect you have for yourself is in itself extremely mature and admirable. Their response will help you decide whether that person is or isn't a waste of your time.
3. Someone invites you over or tries to make a plan (especially in a group setting) you feel like you are obligated to go with the flow even though you don't want to. Don't feel like or maybe just don't really want to pay for the activity they're suggesting..a movie, a trip, bowling whatever....
Say no, you can't make it, you aren't into the plans, or just don't feel up to it. Honesty is the best policy and you are not obligated to do anything. That is your own self given responsibility to be chill and go with everything. If you committed to plans than you should go but if you really don't want to or aren't feeling like a night out than tell them, your friend/s won't kill a friendship over one night and if they do than they probably weren't very good friends in the first place. Learning to say "No" is huge, it's not easy and sometimes brings on hard conversations and awkward moments but in the end you'll be happier you stayed true to what you wanted and didn't just continue to live for everyone else's plans.
Through these 3 methods above I have grown so much in the past year. I have had tough conversations, said no, learned how different situations made me feel and what triggers to look for when I am starting to shut down. Listen to your body, do what you want, and say what you want to say. Be real, be honest, be true to yourself and don't let others possible or assumed opinions of you shape the way you walk in life. You'll learn throughout the process of saying no, standing up for yourself and doing more of what your truly want who your real friends are as well.
Allow your voice to speak for you. The best thing you can do in life is show your true self to the ones you love.