What Can I Control?

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When life feels chaotic. Sometimes there is just too much going on and the time is flying by and we don't feel like we have a good grip on the day to day. I am totally of the thinking that the new "fine" is the "busy" and in this society we like to be busy or being busy is looked upon as a good thing. We cram-pack our days with so much. Whether that's work, TV, Netflix, meetings, facebook, instagram..etc. We are exposed to so much during our day and we have full calendars and agendas that really make it tough to find a moment to pull away. I find that sometimes when we are "busy" life can feel out of control. When we feel we aren't putting forth our best or aren't feeling our best. Maybe you just feel lazy or lethargic towards your routine or goals. Maybe everything just feels scattered and out of control and that grasp you want to feel on your life isn't where or how you want it to be. I have a method to help with this and it all starts with the root. Control. Lets dial it back to the "control" and ask ourselves this, "what can I control?"

There is so much going on in our day to day lives it can be tough to turn inward and find even a moment to presently grasp how we are feeling. How we are reacting, how we are doing etc. When things feel out of control I like to ask myself what in my present situation can I control. 

Make a list of all the things that you can control in your daily routine. When I do this it makes me feel better. It gives me a list of things to look at that are within my reign. Here is mine to get you started. 

1. Mind: 

We can control our intention. What does that mean? How we interact with the people around us. What we bring into our lives. What we purchase. Our meals. Our routine. The time we wake up, the time we go to sleep.

We can control our self doubt, internal conflicts, motivation, self confidence, happiness etc. We can choose to find books, podcasts, external influences that impact our internal monologue.

2. People:

We can't control how people treat us but we can control how we treat them and how we react to their treatment. We can lead  by example with the hopes that they treat us the same but we can't control that. 

What friends we reach out to. The friends or family we choose to interact with. We can't control what they do or how they act but we can control the time we spend with them and how we spend it. As well as the conversations we have and the boundaries we set down for those relationships. 

3 . Home:

We can control our living environment or at least our space if we have roommates. 

What we bring into our homes. 

How we care of our homes.

The example we set for taking care of our home. 

How others treat our home.

4. Self Care:

We can control whether or not we work out, eat healthy or take care of ourselves. Whether that is a skin care regimen or a spa day or just a scheduled time for rest. This one I can definitely agree is the most swept under the rug these days but I can say it is the most important. When I talk to people most of their chaotic feelings actually come from a lack of time for themselves. A little R&R and self reflection may seem overrated but it really goes along way. Our personal health is what drives our reaction to all the other areas on this list. 

5. Work

We can control the job we have. If you feel like you don't like the job you are at or aren't happy with what you are doing venture out and try to figure out what you want to try next. You may depend on that paycheck but don't let it make you feel like work controls you because you are in control of your chosen workplace. 

We can't control our work environment but we can control how we work, how we perform and our space. Whether that is a desk or an office. 



When you make a list and draw it out, it really puts into perspective what we can control and what we can't and then you can work to let go of the things that you can't. We worry a lot about things that aren't in our circle of control and it's not worth the mental space. The reason this list works so well I think is because it allows you to write down physically the things you can control. 

Look at the list you've made and ask yourself which area feels out of control. Mind, People, Home, Self Care, Work etc. try and find the area you wish to change. If its "Mind" and you are having difficulty with self doubt or an internal conflict look into therapy or maybe talk to a person you can trust that will be a good sounding board. If it's self care maybe you need to schedule more time for yourself. If its people/family etc. maybe its boundaries or a tough conversation that needs to occur or be put in place. Maybe you wish you had more time with some people but you can never find the time to spend it where you want to. There may be people in your life that bring you down and maybe those relationships can be minimized so you can maximize others. If you don't know where to start maybe take 1 day and write down your activities. For example. Wake up, work, lunch, work, commute, home, bed and fill in your activities and see if that aligns with what you want to do or see if you can find where your feeling the most out of control. Is there something you aren't doing that you wish you could do and is there a place in that day to day break down that it could fit. Once you break down your life into your day to day in can be amazing to see what we do vs what we think that we do and find places to add new habits or activities.  I hope this helps you feel more in control of your life. Does anyone have any other methods they use to feel in control or any helpful tips?